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HORRORHOUND #33

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(1988)
Directed by Juan Piquer Simón
Starring Michael Garfield, Kim Terry, Philip MacHale, Alicia Moro, Santiago Álvarez, Concha Cuetos, John Battaglia
Emilio Linder, Kris Mann, Kari Rose, Manuel de Blas, Frank Braña, Patty Shepard

Ahh…the late ‘80s….when gore was running rampant and thought provoking storylines were nowhere to be seen. As horror fans, If the movie was outrageous enough, we didn’t mind the absurdity of the plot. We didn’t care if the dialog was hilariously bad. As long as we got some well done and outrageous gore every few minutes, we were happy.

Back in 1982, director Juan Piquer Simón gave us one of most enjoyable bad movies ever made with his film PIECES. We had tons of gore, outrageous dialog and a plethora of wacky and fun characters. It is a real hoot, especially when watched in larger groups. So it’s no surprise that near the end of the decade, when he would contribute his take on the animals-gone-amuck theme, we were in for the same kind of delirium. But the killer species he picked wasn’t your ordinary run-of-the-mill dreaded killing machine, it was…slugs. That’s right folks, those black slimy little things that are disgusting just to look at, but now thanks to toxic chemicals have grown to the size of a Baby Ruth candy bars and start attacking a small town. Oh yea…and they have developed a taste for human flesh.

When watching a movie about killer slugs, you first must realize that you are watching a movie about killer slugs! So any thought as to the realism or practicality of the whole situation, and you’ve already thought too much. Don’t think. Just sit back (preferably with some friends, and laugh and enjoy. Based on the novel SLUGS by Shaun Hutson, we find a small town in America is slowly being invaded by flesh eating slugs. I say “slowly” because they are slugs after all. But for some reason, these little buggers can move quite fast when they are not being watched. You can see one starting to climb up a wall and then in a matter of minutes, there are hundreds of them all over the room! And once they get a hold of you, you’re done for. Did I mention that you really shouldn’t think too much while watching this movie?

The city health inspector is the first one to notice something squishy going on here but gets no help from the grumpy old sheriff who would rather just yell at his deputies. Our fearless inspector and his wife, who is a teacher, capture one of the little slippery carnivores and takes it to the local high school to show it to the science teacher. Even though he’s only a high school teacher, he seems to be more than qualified to handle this type of situation. We believe what he tells us because he has a British accent, sounding like a cross between Tim Curry and Austin Powers. Later in the movie, he develops a chemical mixture that will make the slugs explode. And we’re not surprised at all of the fact that he apparently has access to enough of different chemicals at the high school to fill a 50-gallon drum of this new concoction. They team up with a buddy from the sanitation department to try to put an end to this creeping terror before it’s too late.

The fun continues throughout the movie. We have hilarious lines of dialog like when our hero goes to the water reclamation department to have them shut off the water supply. After telling the director he needs to shut it off and he’ll take the responsibility, the director yells back “You don’t have the authority to declare Happy Birthday!” The reason for the cheesy dialog might have something to do with the Spanish writers trying their best to make it sound like us wacky Americans. Geezz…do we really talk like that?

The music in the movie is often exciting and thrilling, but only when our hero is driving his car back and forth. For some reason, whenever he gets in the car, the tempo picks up! Even if he’s just driving a few blocks to his house.

Now let’s talk about the gore. That’s why we’re all here, right? Carlo De Machis was the special effects supervisor, and had previously worked on the uber-bad classic Claudio Fragasso film MONSTER DOG (1984), starring Alice Cooper. But he also worked on Sergio Martino’s BIG ALLIGATOR RIVER (1979) and even John Milius’ CONAN THE BARBARIAN and Ridley Scott’s ALIEN. De Machis won a Goya Award for this film for Best Special Effects. He would actually win the same award again two years later for ENDLESS DECENT (1990), another Simón movie. With the Goya Awards (the Spanish version of the Oscars), one would think that this type of film would never even get nominated. But remember, they also recently gave Jess Franco a Lifetime Achievement award. So we know they are a little less high-brow then the American system.

The gore in SLUGS will make any gorehound smile and giggle. We have plenty of blood flowing as these little buggers crawl and creep all over their poor victims. We have them crawling in and out of bodies and ocular orifices, we have them exploding through chest cavities, and we even have a brilliant scene with Slug vs. Hamster! Words simply cannot express the pleasure from that sequence. And no, I really don’t think they killed any real animals in this movie.

The other great thing about this movie is the cast. I’m not talking about the American actors they brought in for the main leads, but the surrounding cast is like a who’s who in the Spanish horror genre. Patty Shepard plays a small part of one of the business partners that might invest in a new shopping center (where the slug break out just so happens is occurring). Shepard was in CRYPT OF THE LIVING DEAD (1973) with Andrew Prine, but also worked on a couple of Paul Naschy’s werewolf movies, WEREWOLF SHADOW (1971) and ASSIGNMENT TERROR (1970). That film also co-starred Manual de Blas as Dracula. In SLUGS, he plays the mayor of the infested town. He would also be another Naschy film, HUNCHBACK OF THE MORGUE (1973), as well as being in Amando de Ossoiro’s 3^rd Blind Dead film, HORROR OF THE ZOMBIES (1974). Emilio Linder, who plays the doomed victim who accidently ingests one of the slugs, also was in Simón’s PIECES (1982), ENDLESS DECENT (1990) and CTULHU MANSION (1990), along with MONSTER DOG (1984).

But one actor who looks familiar, but you just might not be sure who he is. With his gray/silver hair and beady eyes, actor Frank Braña looks like one of the puppets from the TV show THUNDERBIRDS. He has a very recognizable face, so once you put a name to it, you’ll start to notice him a lot more. And with the amount of film work that he did, Braña is a staple in the Spanish cinema. Besides being in a shitload of westerns, he was also in horror titles like de Ossorio’s 2^nd Blind Dead film RETURN OF THE EVIL DEAD (1973), CRYPT OF THE LIVING DEAD (1973), GRAVEYARD OF HORRORS (1971), and THE HOUSE THAT SCREAMED (1969). He also worked for Simón on three of his films PIECES (1982), CTHULHU MANSION (1990), and ENDLESS DESCENT (1990).

There’s not much more we could say about this movie other than you need to seek it out. Sure, you can’t take it seriously and compare it to the more “smarter” films that have been made. But sometimes you just in the mood to have some cheap and gory fun. And if you’re looking for 90 minutes of just that, plus a memorable cast, some nice and juicy gore effects, then you are really going to find a winner here. In all honesty, it is the best killer slug movie you will ever find!