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So just what is a Turkey Day Marathon? Back in the early ‘90s, when Mystery Science Theater was still on, Joel Robinson was still onboard the Satellite of Love, Comedy Central would have something on the day after Thanksgiving calling it the Turkey Day Marathon, which would consist of 24 hours of MST3K. Not sure how many years they did it, but I knew I was in front of the TV for it as much as I could.
About a decade later, in 2003, I decided that I was going to something very similar to that. To celebrate all those cinematic shipwrecks, I was going to spend the Friday after Thanksgiving in front of my TV, assaulting my eyes with some of the best in bad cinema. How tough could it be? As much as I tried to get volunteers to join me on this insane escapade, no one was daring enough to do it. So I would have to go it alone. At least for the time being.
Now over the years, the definition of a “bad movie” or what we view during this event can always be debated. Yes, there are a lot of these titles that I would consider “great” films. Okay…maybe not great or well made, but they’re damn entertaining. And after all, that is what a movie is supposed to do, right? Of course, there are a few that are like having your toenails pulled out…very slowly. But that’s what we’re here for. Jumping on that grenade. Taking one for the team. We’re professional here, so we know what we're doing here.
I had mentioned my little marathons on the site during that time of the year, but never thought much about it. But realizing how long I’ve been doing it, and that I started taking notes of the films watched, I thought it might be a good idea to make a journal page on the site to review all of the fun and terrible places we’ve journeyed through over the years. We will cover each film that we’ve watched during that year’s epic event. Feel free to steal some of these titles to hold your own mind-numbing marathon. But just remember….to steal a quote from the opening of James Whale’s FRANKENSTEIN, “Well…we’ve warned you!”
2003 / 2004 / 2005 / 2006 / 2007 / 2008 / 2009 / 2010 / 2011
I don’t remember which films I watched that first time, but I know it damn near killed me. I didn’t start a list at that time, or if I did start, by the time I was done, I don’t think I was able to function much of anything outside of a stumble and a few grunts. Watching a bad film can be fun, especially if done with a group of friends. But watching several bad films, on your own, is something that I wouldn’t advise except to those only with a strong will and iron stomach. It has been known to crush the will and desire of the weak minded. After this first experiment, I think it was several weeks before I attempted to watch another movie.
This year again, we were still
on our own. But we ventured on, determined that this punishment could only make
us stronger. We had our films lined up for the day and were ready to take
on whatever horrors await. So we strapped ourselves in and started the
marathon!
BLOOD FREAK (1972) - We wanted to start the marathon off with the ultimate of Turkey Day movies, and this was definitely it. This film was actually commissioned by a religious group to show the dangers of drug use and wanton sex. Steve Hawkes stars in the film that he also co-wrote and co-directed with Brad F. Grinter. Hawkes plays Herschell, an out-of-work vet looking for a job and a place to crash. He stops by the road to help a girl with car trouble. For his help, he is invited back to her home. Her sister just happens to be having a swinging drug party, but that doesn't put her off as she sits and reads gospel from the Bible. Herschell doesn't want to partake since he's trying to impress this girl. But it gets even stranger. Herschell gets a job at a turkey farm and volunteers for a little experiment. He has to eat a turkey that has some laced with a experimental drug to see if it has any side effects. Well, after eating the entire turkey, he turns into a turkey-headed monster that craves blood. The guy basically has a turkey head mask on, with big bulging eyes. It has to be seen to be believed. And even then, it's hard to believe that someone gave the thumbs up once the mask was put on.
But what makes the film even more enjoyable is that Grinter breaks into the film every now and then to give small lectures on what is happening in the film, emphasizing the evils of drug use and putting harmful chemicals into your body. All the while, he’s chain smoking cigarettes! Even to the point where he starts coughing so much you think he’s going to cough up a lung! This film is one that really epitomizes what a turkey of a movie is, both literally and figuratively. It was released on DVD by Image Entertainment, so if you haven’t had this pleasure, add it to your list. It will be one that you will never forget, but will be forcing it onto your friends so they can partake in this feast.
NIGHT
OF THE LEPUS (1972) - Next film up had to be one of the best ideas for a
giant animal movie ever conceived. Honestly, who would ever think that making a
movie about giant killer rabbits could ever be a great idea? I mean
really…outside of a Monty Python movie, how could a rabbit ever be threatening?
Maybe if they were the size of a large Winnebago? Aahhhhh….no. I would have
liked to have been at that pitch meeting when the guy threw this idea out on the
table. “How about giant killer rabbits?” “I LOVE IT! LET’S MAKE IT HAPPEN!”
It could have happened. The movie DID get made after all. And not only did it
get made, but it also starred Janet Leigh, Stuart Whitman, Rory Calhoun, and
even Star Treks’ DeForest Kelly! For some reason on all the posters, the
never really let on what terror was about, even using the Latin word lepus
instead of rabbit. Obviously they knew if they let people know it was
about killer rabbits, no one would come.
The film is as just silly as one would think. These rabbits are placed on scale models, with some red paint rubbed on their mouths. Even the slow motion scenes with them thumping their way through the desert just can’t bring any sort of terror. But there is some footage that I found pretty scary, and that was some real life footage of some ranchers trying to get the rabbit overpopulation under control. Some of the measures being used back then probably would have PETA giving them more than a stern look.
THE GIANT CLAW (1957) - Our 3rd feature was one that I had been trying to find ever since seeing a clip of it in the film IT CAME FROM HOLLYWOOD (1982), which showed a titular beast attacking a plane and eventually eating the parachuting passengers. Not only is the creature basically a marionette, but has one of the goofiest looking heads (next to the turkey monster from BLOOD FREAK). The main actor, Jeff Morrow, had said in an interview that neither he, nor anybody else in the cast, had seen the monster before the premiere. Of course, every time the creature made an appearance on the screen, the audience roared with laughter. One can only imagine the terror they felt during that premiere, as any hope of furthering their career slowing going down the toilet.
That’s one of the beauties of a film like this. Everyone involved (except maybe the special effects guys) gave their 110% to the job, with such conviction and seriousness. Everything is played completely straight. Like they were making their own CITIZEN KANE. It is what makes these kind of films so enjoyable an so different from the "bad films" of today. These guys were really trying their hardest to make a good film. Then when we finally see this dreaded creature that they lead us all up to with such hype and anxiety, if you think you’re “you gotta be shitting me” look is something, just imagine those actors at the premiere.
THE
INCREDIBLY STRANGE CREATURES WHO STOPPED LIVING AND BECAME MIX-UP ZOMBIES
(1964) - This next film we tackled (or more like tackled us) has a reputation
from the name alone. It is. To say that watching this Ray Dennis Steckler
film, by yourself, is an endurance test is like saying that New Orleans had a
slight water problem after hurricane Katrina. The movie wasn’t even half over
yet and I was already questioning my faith in humanity. Steckler was known for
getting bored very quickly once he started making a movie. This means that it
wasn’t uncommon for him to change what the movie is about, or even the kind of
movie it was, half way into it. This film features some Vegas style dance
numbers that actually just might lower your IQ. But then there’s some the scene
at the carnival with our main actor Cash Flagg (aka Steckler himself) riding
around on the roller coasters with his girlfriend. Words simply cannot describe
this movie. You will be scratching your head several times while watching this
film. The reputation it has is there for a reason. Proceed with caution
if you’re thinking of attempting this movie. Don’t do it alone.
THE DEADLY SPAWN (1983) - So as not to leave this experiment-gone-horribly-wrong on a negative note, I decided to go with one more film, but one that I would definitely not consider a turkey. I had to get some enjoyment out of this. Think of it as the piece of pumpkin pie after the big Thanksgiving Day meal. You really shouldn’t, but you want to end the event on a good note. And we did just that with Doug McKeown’s one and only feature film. Even though the film is a low budget independent project, there were enough talented people involved which turned out one of the best and goriest monster movies in the early ‘80s.
The film is about an alien creature that lands on earth one night and starts to eat its way onto world domination. This alien is basically a bunch of mouths with teeth. A lot of teeth. I mean, A LOT of teeth. There is a party full of old ladies getting attacked by little creatures that is very hard to forget. The work that John Dods did by creating this amazing creature should put him in Monster Maker’s Hall of Fame somewhere. Such a unique design, made on a super low budget, added in with all the gore, it makes this movie extremely enjoyable and a great time, not to mention a really good film.
So in closing, we did held up pretty well. We got through 3 highly entertainingly bad movies that were a lot of fun. Sure, the Steckler movie also killed us, but we were able to struggle through it and thankfully DEADLY SPAWN helped us recover some of our lost brain cells. So 5 movies in one day, and another Turkey-Day Marathon comes to a close.
For this marathon, I was not going to have to make this journey alone. I found a sucker…I mean, a fellow movie fan that had the guts to put his love of bad movies to the test. Dr. AC (aka Aaron Christensen) joined me that faithful day to for another festival of B-movies and other such wonders. Though, he must have been pretty trusting of me since we’d only met a few months earlier. Little did he know of the horrors that I was going to put him through....(cue devilish laugh here) heheheh.
BLOOD FREAK (1972) - Yes, we did watch this film last year. And since this was AC's first Turkey Day experience, I didn’t want to give him a full frontal assault right away. But I felt that since he had never witnessed BLOOD FREAK before, that we’d have to make that the first film. Sort of breaking him in. Or breaking him down. Not sure which. And even I had watched it last year, watching this movie with a new viewer is almost as fun as watching the film itself for the first time. The look on their faces is priceless. When the turkey monster first makes its appearance, and they look over at you with this "Are you fucking kidding me?" look....priceless.
LADY
TERMINATOR (1988) - For the next film, we traveled to Indonesia for a
film that some say might be a slight rip-off of James Cameron’s TERMINATOR. And
they would be correct. Very much so. But that’s beside the point. While there
are few sequences directly lifted from that Cameron movie, there is plenty of
other stuff that will have you cheering for more. Hard to describe this movie
other than a woman, played by the beautiful Barbara Anne Constable (in her one
and only role) becomes possessed by the South Sea Queen after a snake crawls up
into her while in bed. Now in control, she sets out to kill another young woman,
a descent of a man who scorned her 100 years earlier.
If the wild action, lots of guns, explosions, bad hair, and this unstoppable killing machine doesn't get you, then the dialog alone is worth your time. After sating her passion on some un-suspecting males, by leaving them a little less than men, the police discover their remains. One cop reads "It says here all three guys died with their cocks bitten off. It could be a small animal." Classic stuff here, folks. You won't find dialog this classic in any film coming from Hollywood. Well...actually you probably would.
If you’ve never experienced films from some of the smaller foreign markets, like Indonesia, India, or the Philippines, you are missing out on some highly original (even though they are ripping off Hollywood) and innovative films. They are always coming up with something that will have you asking if yourself “Did I just see what I thought I saw?”
ALLIGATOR (1980) - Directed by
Lewis Teague, I don't think I would have considered this film really a "turkey".
It's sequel, ALLIGATOR 2: THE MUTATION...now that's a turkey movie, but maybe
we'll get to that another day. But back to the first one. Sure, it
is a B-movie at its finest, and has all the trappings of one, like a JAWS
inspired plot, except he has feet now. A girl is forced to flush her baby
alligator down the toilet by her father, but it doesn't die. Thanks to the
carcasses of animals disposed in the sewers that were being tested with a growth
hormone, it grows and grows. And grows. So when you think about a
giant alligator living in the sewer of Chicago, it does have all the elements of
a cheese-fest. But the film is actually quite good and a lot of fun.
This might be due to it being written by John Sayles, who wrote a number of fun
B-movies, such as PIRANHA (1978) and THE HOWLING (1981).
Robert Forester stars as the hard nose cop who is investigating a series of disappearances near different sewer outlets. He teams up with reptile specialist Robin Riker, and game hunter Henry Silva, and they set out to put an end to the 36-foot eating machine. This was still back in the early ‘80s when good taste really hadn’t come into play, so anybody could end up as alligator chow. Even kids. There is a sequence with the alligator in a neighborhood swimming pool, with some little kids playing around it that is something that you don't see nowadays. It definitely fits the bill for a fun movie to watch in a group.
THE FOOD OF THE
GODS (1976) Our last film, we pretty much stayed in the same vein. We ended the day with
this classic from Bert I. Gordon. Gordon’s films of the ‘50s always made use of camera tricks,
making simple creatures into gigantic proportions, turning them into a
terrifying monster, like THE BEGINNING OF THE END and EARTH vs. THE SPIDER.
While during the ‘60s, he only made one “giant” film, he came back with a
vengeance in the ‘70s with this film and EMPIRE OF THE ANTS (1977).
In FOOD, on a remote Canadian island, a strange goop pouring out the earth is used as an experimental animal food that Ida Lupino and her husband were giving to their chickens, causing them to grow to abnormal size. It was okay when it was just the chickens that grew in size to 7 feet tall. But when everything else gets into it, such as mosquitoes, caterpillars, and finally rats get into the food, the all hell breaks loose.
Marjoe Gortner is a football player that is on the island with some friends for some horseback riding and hunting. But when one of his friends is attacked by giant mosquitoes, he realizes that something strange is going on. But by that time, it's too late to escape. He ends up at Lupino's house, along with some others trying to escape what is happening. Pamela Franklin, a personal favorite of mine since THE LEGEND OF HELL HOUSE (1974), joins in the fun, along with Ralph Meeker and Belinda Balaski. Gordon really knew how to write dialog that would be entertaining for years to come. When faced with the possible demise from this giant rats, Franklin turns to Gortner, telling him she's so scared to die that she wants him to sleep with her. Isn't that always the case?
Also, there's a big debate as to just what Gordon was doing to these rats during the filming When Gortner and crew are shooting at them with shotguns, while I'm sure Gordon was using just a paint pellet gun, it sure doesn't look to fun for the rats, as they fly across the screen once they get hit.
So we made it through another year of fun, though this was not as hard as the previous year. Being AC's first time doing this, we wanted to make sure he'd come back next year. But then, maybe we won't be so easy on him.....
Once again, it was time to test our prowess when it came to endurance and sheer will power. And once again, I was joined by Dr. AC who willfully joined us for another year of film, fun, and fanatical devotion to test our sanity. Guess he didn’t learn last time.
KING
DINOSAUR (1955) - Since we had touched upon Mr. BIG last year with FOOD
OF THE GODS (1976), we thought it would be a good idea to start this year with
one of the films from the start of Gordon’s film career. Now even though
‘dinosaur’ is in the title of the film, what we actually get is an iguana and a
baby alligator. The iguana is even referred to as a T-Rex in the movie. Boy,
did someone miss a few of their paleontologists’ classes. When Gordon has these
two creatures battling it out for world domination, it was something possible
way before the likes of PETA were around. But even better than the
creature fighting is just the dated dialog and actions of our small cast. These
were the days when it was pretty normal just to have a small thermonuclear
device that you could carry around, and bring to another planet…just in case
you’d need it.
Four scientist travel by rocket to the planet Nova, which had recently entered our solar system. Even though the planet looks pretty similar to Earth, more so Bronson's Canyon in California, the giant creatures there tend to put off our scientist and decide that blow up the place since we couldn't live there. Once they make their escape from the giant creatures, one of guys says "I brought the atom bomb. I think it's a good time to use it!" That is the high quality of intense dialog that you'll hear throughout this movie.
In the short running time of the film, it is padded out by a lot of stock footage. A lot of stock footage. Then there is the way they treat the lemur, and even the way the two female scientist are treated. Sure, this is the '50s and a much different time. But watching it today will get plenty of laughs out of the guys. Just make sure you're not laughing in front of any significant other of the female persuasion. But even with all of that, if you're expecting a nice Turkey Day movie, then you will enjoy this one a lot.
EVIL CLUTCH (1988) - Next up was one tough hill to climb. It was a film that I had seen before, but apparently had forgotten just how awful it is. And even worse (for her career), that it stars a good friend of ours, Coralina Cataldi Tassoni. This is the movie that she hates, and rightfully so. Folks, not only is this is one bad movie, but it really hurts to try and get through. Even being a huge fan of Italian cinema, especially from the ‘80s when the blood and gore was flying around like parmesan cheese at an Italian restaurant, this is just a terribly made film. There is a chase sequence at the end of the film that just seems to go on forever! Andreas Marfori wrote and directed this mess, and thankfully didn't work that much more in the film industry. Truly a film to earn its place in any Turkey Day marathon, but is one tough piece of meat to not only chew, but to also keep down. So if you decide to watch this film, take heed. Do it with a friend, or not at all. This is one that you really need a spotter on.
THE FROZEN
DEAD (1967) - So trying to recover from that misery, we put in a title
that I knew was going to be a bit more fun. When you’re dealing with Nazis and
strange medical experiments on the dead, how can it not be, right? As a
kid, there was a movie that I had seen on TV late one night, that I didn't
remember the title or a lot of the movie itself, but there were a few scenes
that stayed with me for years afterwards. There is the shot of the wall of
several arms hanging there. There were these soldiers that could only do
one simple task, like comb their hair or dig a hole with an imaginary shovel.
And of course, the scenes with the animated decapitated head, burned into my
psyche like a soldering iron.
The movie starred Dana Andrews as a German doctor who is working on an experiment of reviving Nazi soldiers that after the war was over, volunteered to be frozen solid and revived once they could start a new war, and hopefully creating a new breed of super soldiers. Of course, there's a few glitches in the process of re-animating them, since their brains don't function too well. Not too promising for the new Third Reich.
This is not a great film by any means. But Andrews gives his performance with all the gusto he can. Everyone involved here were doing that. Even some of the dialog is cheesy, but said with great conviction. It's films like this that stay memorable, even after many years, they are always enjoyable to watch and have a good time with.
TENTACLES
(1977) - Our last film for the day almost put both of us to sleep. Not
necessarily because it was boring, but it was way too freaking long!
Personally, I can never get enough of all the JAWS inspired movies that followed
it's success, and this film from Ovidio G. Assonitiswas one of many. But I
swear that movie felt like it was 3 hours long. It featured a great all-star
cast, with big names like Henry Fonda and John Huston. Even had Shelly Winters
as a flirtatious bar-hopping floozy, which was scarier than any giant octopus.
While we did have a great idea for a JAWS rip-off, and even had some great
sequences, the film just gets too bogged down and really, really……really drags
on.
Following the basic theme to a T, TENTACLES is about a "evil" corporation that just might be spilling some nasty stuff into the ocean during one of their underwater constructions. And this might just have caused a octopus to grow to enormous size. Big enough where it's snatching babies off the beach! Fun stuff here folks...at least during some parts of the movie. But the movie gets too bogged down with trying to tell the story and not getting to enough action. That might have had something to do with having such an all-star cast and not wanting to waste them. One difference in this film from the other JAWS rip-offs is that to battle this giant multi-legged creature, they get a couple of trained killer whales to attack it, with the help of their trainer Bo Hopkins.
So after that film that seemed to take forever to finish, afterwards, we knew we our marathon for the day definitely was over as well. An attempt on another movie would have been futile since we both would have been asleep. So after four films, some damn entertaining, and some just tough to sit through, we made it through another Turkey Marathon.
Another year and another trip down the slippery slope of cinematic mishaps, misfires, and just plan screw ups. Joining me once again was Dr. AC, who has become my ally and trusted companion on these trips to the ends of good taste and good movies, watching each other’s backs while we trudge along this journey some would call madness. But we feel that it’s our duty to tackle these turkeys by the giblets and show them just who is stronger! But let’s get on to the movies!
KILLDOZER (1974) - Growing up in the ‘70s, I was able to watch a lot of great made-for-TV movies that were being produced at the time. As well as some…not-so-good ones. A lot like the idea for NIGHT OF THE LEPUS, whoever thought that a bulldozer that becomes possessed by an alien force, causing it to seek out and kill workers on an island construction site, might have thought it was a great idea. But sometimes that spark of genius needs to be thought out a little bit more. Even more surprising when it was based on a short story by noted sci-fi writer Theodore Sturgeon, who ever worked on the teleplay.
The idea of a bulldozer being able to sneak up on anybody other than blind people who are too numb to feel the ground shake, it about as silly as you can get. But that didn’t stop them from making KILLDOZER. This is a great example of what could get back bade in that time. Western regular Clint Walker stars as a foreman trying to get his life and career back after a bout with alcoholism. So when the weird stuff starts to happen, he knows nobody will believe him. The film co-stars future TV star Robert Urich, James Wainwright, and the always memorable Neville Brand.
THE SEA SERPENT (1984) - Our
next film shows just how a great filmmaker can have an off day….or so. Director Amando de Ossorio was the director who created one of the creepiest monsters in
Spanish horror history, the Blind Dead. He would make four films with these
memorable monsters in the early ‘70s, basing them on the famous Templar
Knights. But he made several other genre films in his career, in varying degree
of quality. But his last one, THE SEA SERPENT, is probably not the one that he
hopes that he is remembered by.
Sea captain Pedro Fontán is played by Timothy Bottoms, who tries to pass off as an non-American, and does it about as good as Sean Connery mastering any accent other than a Scottish one. But none the less, after his boat is attacked and sunk, by what he claims to be a giant sea monster, he loses his license and the respect of his fellow sea men. Then after a young woman watches her friend get eaten by this creature, she joins forces with him to discover the truth behind this mysterious monster. They are joined by Ray Milland, an oceanographer trying to discover this ancient creature. This was one of the last movies that Milland did and sort of looks like Darth Vader after taking off his mask at the end of RETURN OF THE JEDI.
The special effects used for the giant sea serpent are about equal to any monster in the Scooby Doo cartoons. It is one that will make you either laugh out loud, or cover your mouth in horror of what the actors had to work with. The effects guys tried like hell but just couldn’t do anything that was even remotely scary. But none the less, the movie is great fun and is a perfect choice for any Turkey Day, or just anytime that you need one of those great “bad” movies.
LORELEY’S GRASP (1974) – Not
sure why we did this, since it wasn’t really planned. Plus it’s a film that I
personally wouldn’t consider a Turkey, though I think AC would argue that
point. But right after SEA SERPENT, we went on to another Amando de Ossorio
film. This is a film that I seen at a midnight screening in my youth, under the
title WHEN THE SCREAMING STOPS. They were even passing out barf bags for the
screening. How cool was that? Couldn’t believe how gory the film was, even though a bit cheesy.
This version also had the screen flashing red as a warning before anything gory was going to
happen. Nice. The story is about a girl school where they are being attacked
and brutally torn apart by some unknown beast. So a hunter from the village is
hired to track down this animal or whatever it is, and destroy it.
For me personally, one of the highlights of the film is Helga Liné, starring as the mysterious Lorelei. Could she be the one that turns into some sort of lizard monster, tearing out the hearts of the young women? Could be. Liné starred in many Spanish horror films, including a couple with Paul Naschy, and even a couple of early Italian films. She' always been a favorite actress of mine and is always memorable, usually playing the villain. Tony Kendall is the hunter hired to kill her, but accidentally falls under her spell. Filled with the usual beautiful sets, and sequences filled with gore, and enough beautiful women to keep any male fan of Spanish horror eyes glue to the screen.
Lucky for us Spanish horror fans, this movie was released in it's original version on DVD by BCI a few year ago, both as a single edition as well as a double feature disc with HORROR RISES FROM THE TOMB, also starring Liné.
OCTAMAN (1971) – Keeping in line
with sea monsters, sort of, we finished off the day with this fine piece of
work. Unfortunately, this movie is in dire need of a properly cleaned up DVD
release. The VHS prints are so dark that it hides a lot of the wonderful action
shots of the creature, which were created by a young Rick Baker. But even that
didn’t stop from enjoying this great little monster movie, cheesy or not. This
is a great example of a good old-fashion monster movie. Sure, it won’t hold up
or compare to modern day terrors like ALIEN or PUMPKINHEAD, but it does bring
back a certain spirit that is missed in today’s films.
Kerwin Matthews and Jeff Morrow lead a scientific expedition to Mexico to investigate the possible pollution in the water after they find some mutated octopus or two. But once they get there and start messing around with the local sea creatures, the title character shows up to stop them. Part environmental preaching / part monster movie, this movie is just plain fun. It’s a wonder that Jeff Morrow would be in another film like this, after his experience with THE GIANT CLAW. Maybe at this point in his career, he just needed the work.
So after five years of doing this, has it built up my resistance to these types of movies? Has it made me more tolerable to bad films? Or has it just given me one day out of the year to just experience bad cinema! Whatever the answer might be, it's always a fun time and don't plan on stopping just yet.
Now in the 6th year of holding my annual Turkey Day marathon, AC and I took another fistful of films considered to be turkeys, B-movies, MST-fodder, or just a waste of time. But not for us. As crazy as we might be, we find quite a bit of enjoyment out of watching these films, where the filmmakers were really trying to their best to make a good film. Granted, most of them missed the mark when it comes to being good. But is it entertaining? That is the true test of a film, turkey or not. So let’s venture forth and see what fun we got ourselves into this year. From a couple of alien invasion films, Tiny Tim as a clown, Hammer’s sci-fi epic, or a low budget film from good old Michigan, we had our work cut out for us this year. Let’s begin.
THE EYE
CREATURES (1965) – Larry Buchanan was a filmmaker that makes Roger Corman
look like he had bigger budgets than James Cameron. He was making his little
films in his home state of Texas, and usually turning a profit. Sure, he
may not have made high quality films, but the ones that he made, made money.
And in the film business, that is the only way to continue to making films. He had made a
deal with American International Pictures to remake their film INVASION OF THE
SAUCERMEN. Of course, with a much lower budget, and in color. But it didn’t
stop him from giving them, and us, THE EYE CREATURES. This was so
successful, that he went on to remake 3 more titles from the AIP catalog.
Starring John Ashley, the film pretty much follows the original, except the creatures themselves. Where in the original, the creature designs were well-crafted and thought out by Paul Blaisdell. But here, we have guys in suits that look like the Michelin Man’s 2nd cousin. There are a couple of scenes where there are several of the alien creatures attacking, moving very slowing and waving their arms. But if you look closely, you will see that only a couple of the closer aliens had full body suits on, while some others just have their head and shoulders covered, the rest of their bodies covered in black. Pretty damn funny that nobody caught that.
But none the less, Ashley gives it his all, like he always did. And it’s a fun movie with the definite feel of the ‘50s movies that it was based on. There is a lot of the silly humor in here, with both some main characters, and the whole subplot of a couple of military guards that like to use the radars to spy on the kids making out in lovers lane. Lucky for us, the film did get an actual DVD release, so many can enjoy it for years to come.
BLOOD
HARVEST (1987) – This next film comes from another filmmaker that refused
to work in Hollywood, only to create his own film studio in…Wisconsin! Bill
Rebane, writer, director, editor, producer, cinematographer, and just about
anything else that had to do with the filmmaking process, he knew how to do.
Not too well, some might say, but that’s always debatable. Rebane’s biggest hit
was the wonderful GIANT SPIDER INVASION (1975), but he had made a few other
choice titles in his career.
One of his last films was a standard slasher film. But because of the star of the film, it put it into the next level of filmmaking, making it a prime choice cut for our Turkey Day marathon. The film was BLOOD HARVEST and starred cult personality Tiny Tim. But what could be even more frightening than Tiny Tim in a slasher movie? How about having him play a clown! The Big Double T spends most of his time in makeup, as the Marvelous Mervo. But this isn’t like he’s a professional clown, or at least not in the movie. He just stays in makeup, creeps around at night, and likes to sing instead of talking. Sometimes it even makes sense. One can only imagine being on the set of this picture, since I don’t think Tim was really acting, but just being himself. And that had to be the scariest part of this movie.
Besides Tim, which is entertainment enough to watch this film, the rest of the movie really isn’t that bad. We have all the ingredients for a standard slasher: some blood, nudity, and a mysterious killer on the loose. Throwing in a twisted clown, being played by Tiny Tim, just gives it icing on the cake. And look for an early acting role for Peter Krause, who would later star in HBO’s SIX FEET UNDER.
LURKING TERROR (2002) – This is the first film by writer/director/producer/actress Tommy Brunswick, who hails from Michigan. A buddy of our’s worked on the creature effects on this, and we’ve been meaning to get to it for quite some time, so we figured what better time than during our Turkey Day marathon!
The film deals with a combination of an ancient evil living out in the woods, and a demented family capturing and killing anybody dumb enough to cross paths with them. The film is pretty bloody, and not bad for a shot-on-video film. But unfortunately is bogged down by what most of these types are: bad acting and no money.
MOON ZERO
TWO (1969) – Hammer Films, known primarily for their horror films, would
often venture off into different genres, like fantasy, pirate movies, dinosaur
movies, and the like. They always had that usual Hammer scope and feel to
them and were usually pretty successful at it too. But not
on this one. They came up with an idea for a cowboy style movie, but set in
space. Director Roy Ward Baker and the cast tried their hardest to make it
work, but it just fell flat.
Jason Olsen leads the cast, as a space pilot refusing to join the corporate way of doing things and stay on his own and independent. When he gets the chance to make some serious money on a special job, one that requires “no questions”, he runs into just about every kind of trouble he can. A lot of time and money went into the set designs and art direction, which do give you some entertainment. But just not the kind that I think they were hoping for. It really becomes more silly than serious. Joining Olsen on this adventure, was Adrienne Corri, Catherina Von Schell, Warren Mitchell, Bernard Bresslaw, and of course, Michael Ripper.
Although, I will say that opening theme song is just a hoot! If you want to hear it, just click HERE.
ALIEN
FACTOR (1978) – Our last film for this year’s marathon was another one of
those that might be considered cheesy by some people, but I think it’s actually a
well done and fun movie. Sure, the acting is pretty amateur and cheesy,
but because of all the great creatures and effects the film has, I could easily
let that go. We have several different monsters in this film, all of them
made the good old fashion way with rubber and makeup, and done quite well.
Hell, they even did some force perspective shots, some Sure
the acting isn’t the greatest. But the passion makes up for a lot of that and
they came up with a pretty entertaining and fun movie.
This was the first film made by Baltimore filmmaker Don Dohler, who became tired of his day job, especially after a robbery, and decided that he was going to make movies. The real charm to ALIEN FACTOR and Dohler’s movies in general, is the sheer passion for the good old fashion monster movie. He didn't go beyond anything that he didn't think he could accomplish. He stayed within his means and made entertaining movies with what he had. While not a great film by any means, it does remind us of the films and filmmakers of that time, when there were the little guys making these movies outside of the Hollywood system, and were using their brains instead of being able to throw money at it.
He has made several films that are worth watching, but just make sure they are the ones that he directed. The later films that he worked on as cinematographer and Joe Ripple directing, turned more into the typical crap that one is use to seeing for shot-on-video stuff.
So we bring this year’s marathon to an end on a higher note than we usually do. Think that might have to be a regular thing we do, ending the marathon with at least an good movie. That way we don’t leave with a terrible taste in our mouth after such a gluttonous feast.
This year’s marathon brought something new to the table. A third victim! Joining me and AC this year was our buddy Matt Carr (aka gore artist Putrid) who finally decided to take up our offer to spend the day rolling around in cinematic garbage. With Matt being a fan of such things and very used to it, we know he’d feel right at home.
STING OF DEATH
(1965) – Our first movie came from Florida’s own William Grefe, another renegade
filmmaker that didn’t want to leave his Florida location and would stay and make
his movies there. STING was Grefe’s first real venture into the horror genre,
creating the first half man/half jellyfish creature that has to be seen to be
believed. Seeing a guy wearing a black wetsuit, with basically a plastic
garbage bag over his head, and wires hanging off of him that are supposed to be
tentacles is just priceless. It really is one of the best cheesy monsters in
cinematic history. And it’s a blast.
A group of biology students head over to an island off the coast of the Everglades to have a party at Dr. Richardson’s house, where his daughter has just showed up to stay for a while. The doctor’s assistant, Egon, stands out like a sore thumb amongst her friends because he’s slightly deformed. So that makes it okay for all her friends to laugh, point, and generally make fun of him. But hey…they’re just wacky kids. In fact, right after they get there, they start the swinging dance party. There’s even a song playing called ‘Do the Jellyfish’ that was written and sung by famous singer/songwriter Neil Sedaka. I’m sure this was at the start of his career…But somehow, with all the dancing, the kids don’t happen to see this jellyfish creature sneak into the pool that they’re dancing around, waiting for someone to jump in the pool. As we said, it has to be seen to be believed.
Grefe would go on to make other successful drive-in style movies, including his most famous one, STANLEY (1972).
GRAVEYARD
DISTURBANCE (1987) – By the time the late ‘80s, Italian filmmakers were
doing more work for television than they were for the theater. This is one
example, directed by Lamberto Bava. The real sad thing about this movie is that
it looks just beautiful. There is some amazing set designs, great looking
creatures, just a wonderful picture to watch. The problem is that NOTHING
HAPPENS! A group of young adults get trapped in an underground tomb that, like
the plot, seems to go nowhere.
There are so many times when it looks like something good is going to happen, only to have some pretty stupid humor, or something that just makes no sense at all. The ever so lovely Beatrice Ring, who would later star in ZOMBI 3 (1988), plays one of the leads trapped in this cavernous hell, along with Karl Zinny, who had a role in Bava’s DEMONS (1985).
I think that was one of the hardest part for all of us trying to get through this movie is that since it did look great, but that nothing really happened, made it pretty disappointing. We knew it was a made-for-TV movie, but we’re just hoping for a little bit more.
ROCK ‘N’
ROLL NIGHTMARE (1987) – Rock star Jon Mikl Thor (or rather wanna-be rock
star) decided that if his musical career wasn’t going to put him into stardom,
then he would also try the movies. After having a taste of the horror genre the
previous year by playing a guy brought back from the dead to avenge his death in
ZOMBIE NIGHTMARE, he decided to write his own movie, and of course star in it as
well.
It’s about a rock band going to an old farm to record their new album. Just so happens that something very evil and mysterious happened at this very same farm house years ago. And low and behold, once they get settled in, more strange stuff starts to happen and members of the band start getting killed off or possessed. There are several musical performances by the band, which depending on your taste for ‘80s hair bands will rate how much you’ll either enjoy this or just be embarrassed by it. The acting is just laughable, and the same with the creatures that show up. They look like rejects from a Muppets Halloween episode. No real scares here, but a lot of look at and laugh. A perfect movie for a Turkey Day marathon.
MEGA SHARK VS GIANT OCTOPUS (2009) – This feature was a first for my annual marathon. In the seven years that I’ve been holding these, we had never screen a movie that came out that year. But this was one film that didn’t need to gestate for years before it became a turkey. It was one right from day one. And the makers of the film knew it, which made it even more enjoyable.
The film
is played completely straight, just like the old movies from the 50s, where the
guy had to keep a straight face while looking at a man in a goofy rubber
costume. But here, all our creatures are completely CGI, most of which is just
a shade better than something that you’d see on the Cartoon Network. But they
seemed to just revel in the outrageousness of the whole concept. We have a
shark that is so big, that it literally jumps out of the ocean and grabs an
airliner right out of the air. It is one of the craziest things I’ve seen
during these Turkey Day screenings, but that had to be one of the best moments.
The film stars ‘80s pop star Deborah Gibson and B-movie/TV star Lorenzo Lamas trying to either start their career or completely bury it. Again, same with the older cheesy movies, I wonder if these stars knew what the title creatures were going to look like and how outrageous their actions were going to be. In either case, I never would have believed how entertained we were watching this. Granted, something like this should never be attempted alone, since the enjoyment factor will never be as high as when with a bunch of friends. Trust me. I know what I speak of.
BOARDING
HOUSE (1982) – Our last little feature was one that was one of the first
shot-on-video productions that actually played some theaters. I know this for a
fact, since it played the theater I worked at back in the early ‘80s. Granted,
I thought it was just a terrible movie back then, even though it did have its
share of blood & boobs. So I never went back to it. But now that it was on
DVD, and felt like a perfect movie for our marathon, and the fact that Putrid
just happens to think this is one of the greatest movies ever made, how could we
pass it up?
A man opens up a boarding house, welcoming in young and beautiful women to stay with him. Of course, there is some evil living in the house, waiting to kill or make people kill themselves in horrible and graphic ways. But this doesn’t stop these young women to be in a constant state of undress, running around playing and wrestling with each other. Some of the gore sequences are just goofy as hell, but are bloody. They will get a reaction out of you, one way or another.
So another year goes by, and we were able to stomach five movies in total. But even more impressive, each and every one of these titles more than qualifies as a turkey. We didn’t even throw in a good one to ease the pain, but stuck through them all. And I know we’ll be back again next year to do it all over again. God help us all.
This year’s Turkey Day Marathon set a couple of new records. First off, we had more for people in attendance than ever before. Safety in numbers, as they say. As always, Aaron Christensen was with us for this onslaught of ocular horror. But joining us was our new friend Craig Clark who made a journey of several hours to make it to our little marathon. We love that kind of dedication. Also stopping by was Joe Wallace and his girlfriend Jen who were on the their way back from Thanksgiving festivities, and decided to have some Turkey Day films for dessert! And my son Nick, who usually pops in and out of the viewings, actually stayed with us through the entire adventure. But also, we got through a total of 7 films this year. Another high point of insanity that is the Turkey Day Marathon. So let’s get on to the first course in this year’s feast!
TERROR
FROM THE YEAR 5000 (1958) – This year, I wanted to start off the marathon
with something a little older, but still a lot of fun. About a week
earlier, I had sat down to watch this film that I had recently got a copy of.
About 10 minutes into it, I stopped it and knew I had to save it for Turkey Day.
A scientist has developed a machine that can bring something from the future back to present day. The young financial investor is not happy about waiting for test results, and wants to keep pushing the machine to the limits. And as we expected, something eventually comes through that they hadn’t bargained for! This has got some classic early sci-fi dialog and actions in there that are just hilarious. Never knew that putting something that is radioactive in water will no longer contaminate you! Just love it. Or that carbon dating can actually be used to see how old things are…even if they are from the future.
This is an early AIP picture, by first time director Robert J. Gurney Jr., who only worked on a few pictures, including writing and producing AIP's INVASION OF THE SAUCER MEN the year before. No matter how silly the dialog or science theories we get here, we have to give him kudos for giving us this entertainingly fun movie.
REPTILICUS
(1961) – We had seen this film a couple of times before, but none the less never
stops to entertain. Made in Denmark, and apparently got the whole country
involved in the film. Don’t see city-wide panic scenes like that outside of
Japan and their Godzilla movies.
While drilling, the remains of a prehistoric creature are found and brought to Copenhagen for study. And like all good prehistoric monsters, this one is just not completely dead. Since it is a lizard based creature, it has the ability to re-grow an entire new body from the part of the tail that was found. So before you can say “who left the freezer door open all night?” the creature is alive, growing, and has escaped. Of course, this is not before we get a nice sight-seeing tour of the city and its exciting nightlife, with a nice little song and dance number at a local club.
But the monster, of course, is the real star of the movie, and it won’t let you down. This little miniature puppet that is being pulled and pushed through a miniature set is just damn entertaining. When the army brings out all stops to try and destroy the creature, from tanks to flamethrowers, nothing seems to work on this gigantic creature. Meanwhile, it tears through the countryside and town, leaving a trail of destruction. If you’re a fan of giant monster movies, no matter how cheesy they are, then this one is right up your alley.
THE DAY
TIME ENDED (1980) – Director John ‘Bud’ Cardos had given us KINGDOM OF
THE SPIDERS, which we've always found to be one hell of a fun movie. So
when we picked up this DVD, that promised us "A mind-bending vortex of terror!",
we knew we had a real winner on our hands and one that would be perfect for
Turkey Day. With a cast of Jim Davis and Christopher Mitchum, and stop
motion creatures how could this be bad? Well unfortunately, once you start
watching this movie,
you actually believe that time had ended, and the end of this movie is never
going to come.
A family living in the middle of the desert meet up with aliens, some that are friendly, and some that are not. But with their run in with stop-animated creatures, small alien space ships that invade their house, and tons of bright flashing lights flying the the sky, there is plenty of things going on in this movie. Unfortunately, it is still boring as hell.
Sure, this was one of those low budget movies that were trying to jump on the sci-fi space band wagon with aliens and flashing UFO lights and all of that fun stuff. Being produced by Charles Band, you knew what they were trying to do. But the problem is the dated special effects are the only thing that is somewhat entertaining in this movie. It is slow and just plain dull. It is worth noting that some of the people that did work on the special effects of the film. You have people like future Oscar winner Randall Cook as well Oscar nominated Jim Danforth and David Allen.
So unless you’re looking for a very slow trip down memory lane, there are plenty more movies from this time that are still enjoyable today. This one unfortunately, I cannot say that about.
MONSTER
DOG (1984) – This one has two famous names attached to it. Well, more
like one famous and one infamous. The famous one would be Alice Cooper, in one
of his early acting roles, that was a little more meatier than just performing a
song. In fact, he’s the main character. He’s Vincent Raven, a rock star that
is coming home to the place where he grew up to shoot a new video. But even
before he gets there, he and his crew learn of the pack of killer dogs that are
on the loose in the area.
The infamous one is Italian cult director Claudio Fragasso. He’s probably best known in the states as the director of TROLL 2, especially now with the BEST WORST MOVIE is out on DVD. Fragasso has written and directed a couple of dozen movies in Italy, and they are not what most would call high quality made films. Are they entertaining? Well, that’s a different story. Anybody that has seen TROLL 2 can answer that. Unfortunately, MONSTER DOG never develops the cult feel that something like TROLL 2 does.
The film has a lot of people wandering around this darkened and foggy house and its surroundings. There is the big question as to if there is this title creature out there, and if there is, who is the one that turns into it? There is a tiny bit of gore, other than one great scene, not a lot here to even keep the gorehounds happy.
This movie isn’t as bad as its reputation, but it’s not cheesy enough to make it really entertaining that in that sort of way.
FATAL
FRAMES (1996) – This film was supposed to restart the Italian film
industry before it came out. With a cast full of famous faces, both from the US
and Italy, this was going to be the one. And once it came out, I’m surprised
they didn’t ban filmmaking in Italy all together!
Italian films are known for the whole ‘style of substance’ way of filmmaking. But director Al Festa goes way overboard trying to fill every single frame with it. And with a running time of over 2 hours, it gets very old, very quickly. And if that wasn’t enough, the script and the acting are battling over who can be the worst part of the movie. Not sure who wins, but I know the viewer loses….every time. Plus, Festa also provides the music for the film, doing his hardest to rip off the works of Goblin and other Italian soundtracks. Maybe if this film was cut down to under 90 minutes, it might not have seemed that bad. But by the time you get to the last 30 minutes, you are more than ready for it to be over.
An American director is hired to go to Italy to film a music video, shortly after his girlfriend had been murdered. Once he’s there, he witnesses the murder of several young girls, but when the police get there, there is no evidence of a murder or anything. Stefania Stella is the producer & wife of director Festa. She is also the main star of the film, so we can see many scenes of her singing while they film her music video. Her acting is simply terrible. Sure, you might like watching her, if only to see if her large breasts might fall out of her clothes, but even that gets pretty old. In other words, a perfect movie for our Marathon.
FIEND
(1980) - Baltimore filmmaker Don Dohler had directed a few films in his way too
short career. Most were cheesy, but usually always fun, mainly because of
the monsters that he had in there. The good old fashion rubber monster,
guy-in-a-suit kind. Always enjoyed those kind. But this time out, we
watched his film FIEND, which while it did feature some pretty good makeup on
the title creature, it was pretty slow.
Dohler regular Don Leifert stars as a reanimated corpse after an alien force enters his body in the cemetery. To keep his body from decaying, he needs to suck the lifeforce out of victims that he finds along the way. Of course, this alien being retains the information and knowledge from the deceased body and resumes his life. While the acting in here is someone bad enough to make some of it entertaining, most of it is just boring. George Stover, another Dohler regular, is always entertaining to watch, no matter what role he has. Unfortunately here, it is a minor one.
Leifert had recently passed away, which is why we wanted to add this movie to our lineup this year, to pay tribute to him. He appeared in most of Dohler's earlier films, such as ALIEN FACTOR and NIGHTBEAST.
GARDEN OF
THE DEAD (1974) – This was our last film of the marathon. It was getting
late, so what better than throwing in a movie that runs a clean 60 minutes
long! And even better, with a story like this one, it is a fitting dessert to
the full plate of turkey that we ingested so far.
A bunch of prisoners are huffing some type of formaldehyde to get high. Not sure how they get it into a gaseous state, but none the less, they just can’t get enough of it. The same group attemps to break out, but not only get caught, but they are shot down by the guards and buried in the prison yard. But later that same night, these prisoners rise up from their graves and head back to the prison for more of their formaldehyde, killing anyone in their way.
For a super low-budget film, we were really impressed with the makeup job here. Granted, that and the strange story, is about the only thing that will impress you. But it is a fun little zombie film with a different bit of a twist than your normal zombie films. Yea, they are not what would typically be called zombies, but they did return from the dead, and are in various states of decomposing. But if you have an hour to kill and feel like something unique, then I’m sure you’ll get a smile or two out of this.
So our Turkey Day 2010 comes to an end. With more people and more films than before, it was even more fun this time out. This is the way to celebrate movies and friends. Spending time with great friends, watching movies and just having a good time. All is right with the world once again. See you next year.
Welcome to our latest installment for our Turkey Day Marathon recap. For our 9th year holding this little festival, it has grown quite a bit over the last few years. At one point during the marathon, we had 8 people here, all eyes glued to the amazing film that was coming our of the TV. Well, maybe not amazing, but definitely entertaining. In fact, not one of the 7 films that we got through this year was one of those that we were just waiting for the end to come. So that really was a first for our T-Day viewing party. Usually there is at least one title that makes us just hate life in general. Not to say we didn't have our fill of Turkeys. We had quite a few gems in here. But before we get to the films, lets get to the victims. As always, Dr. AC (aka Aaron Christensen), my Turkey Day co-pilot since 2005 was there. As well as Craig Clark, making another long journey to take part in the marathon. Last year, Joe Wallace and his girlfriend Jen had stopped by near the end. But this year, they were here right from the start. And our newest victim was another Chicago horror regular, Jason Coffman. He is no stranger to movie marathons, so we knew he was a would have no problem joining our cinematic shindig. My son Nick had to work for most of the day, but was back in time to catch the last couple of flicks. And while not in the kitchen making copious amount of food for the gang, my wife Dawn came down for a couple of the films as well. I mean, she's married to me, so it can't be too much of a surprise for her to see these kind of flicks....just saying! But let's get on to this years movies.
NIGHT OF
THE BLOOD BEAST (1958) - Our first film was an early Corman (both Gene
and Roger) production for American International Pictures. A single manned
rocket is coming back to Earth after being the first to break the atmosphere,
but their re-entry process isn't the best and it crashes, killing the pilot.
But for some reason, the pilot doesn't seemed to be as dead as he should be.
And the ship just might have brought something back with it from space.
This was back when it seemed that you and a bunch of people could build your own rocket and send it out into space, without the bothersome interference with the government. Pretty cool, huh? But I guess then this is the kind of stuff that happens when you do....you bring back some alien life form that wants to take over the world! But this was also back when you could have one of these types of science pictures, when dialog is thrown out there that as long as it sounded scientific, it was just fine. That's smart sounding, so it must be right. Of course, listening to it now only brings a puzzled look on the viewer's face, followed by a "what did they just say?"
But none the less, major kudos
needs to go to persons responsible for the creation of the title creature.
Nothing makes a '50s sci-fi monster movie better than a great looking monster.
And here with BLOOD BEAST, they do quite well. That is really what it is
all about, when it comes down to it.
CURSE OF THE SWAMP CREATURE (1966) - Our next film
was our Larry Buchanan entry for this year. It had been a couple of years
since a Buchanan film played so I thought we were overdue. John Agar was
back to make another film with Buchanan, right after making ZONTAR. He
must have had such a great time. And you can tell too by watching him in
this film, standing completely still and emotionless for minutes at a time, like
he is still trying to figure out just how the hell is got signed up for this
picture.
Our story is about a mad scientist located somewhere by some swamps, maybe Florida...maybe Louisiana...not really sure. Our mad doctor is trying to create some sort of new life form of a cross between man and fish. Lucky for him, he has a swimming pool full of alligators where he can dump the bodies of the failed experiments. But it seems that the locals think this scientist guy is up to something strange since some of the locals that go around there end up disappearing. These locals communicate with each other up through the swamp by the use of voodoo drums. Sure. Makes sense. We get glimpses of the creature, or at least its hand every now and then throughout the movie. But it finally takes to the end of the film before the experiment is finally a success and the creature comes out of the smoke filled fish take where it has been growing all along. And when we do get to see it...WOW. Huge ping pong balls for eyes, wearing a bald cap and pointed ears....how could it not be just amazing?
John Agar shows up as a
geologist that is trying to help look for oil and pretty much stands around
looking as about as interested as an Eskimo looking at a refrigerator.
Some Buchanan regulars show up like Tony Huston (who actually wrote the script
as well), Bill Thurman, and Jeff Alexander. Once you start watching enough
of Buchanan's work, you'll start to see these same faces over and over.
Its when you've taken your cult movie fan status to a new level. Watching
Buchanan films takes a lot of patience since there can be times when the dialog
will have you scratching your head...much like some of the cast are doing during
the film.
THE X FROM OUTER SPACE (1967) - Next up, we
brought out something a little different. So different in fact, we had to
go old school and actually play the movie on one of those antique contraptions
called a V-C-R. Remember those kiddies? Appearing for the first time in our Turkey Day menus, we busted out a Kaiju movie. And not one of those staring the Big G or that fiery turtle,
but this little known title that stars Guilala as the title creature that comes back
from a space mission and promptly starts to destroy the city.
Somehow over the years, I had never caught this one. The only place I remember this from is from the montage film IT CAME FROM HOLLYWOOD, which showcased a bunch of these great cult movies. Craig brought this one for all to enjoy and we did just that. The dated dialog and acting was just great. Still amazes me how much time and effort is put into making those miniaturized cities all for some guy in a rubber suit to come barreling through and smashing everything.
But none the less, this was a
perfect fit for our marathon. Being a fan of these types of movies anyway,
and especially how cheesy these were from the '60s, it makes it fun stuff
for all ages. Highly recommend it if you can find a copy of it.
THE MONSTER THAT CHALLENGED THE WORLD (1957) - Now
this next film, I know I personally would never consider a Turkey movie. Even the IMDB doesn't qualify it as such. But we figured we needed something of a
little more substance to cleanse our pallets from what we've ingested thus far.
MONSTER is a great '50s sci-fi monster movies. After an earthquake, a
fissure in the ocean floor opens up and these giant mollusks escape into the
ocean. When a paratrooper doesn't return from a mission, the navy starts
to investigate. But as they try to figure out what is going on, more
people are attack and turn up missing around the area.
This film is filled with the great dialog we've come to expect and love from these kind of movies. They are so dated that it can't help but make you smile. But the real star of this movie is the title creature. Not sure who actually created the monster but they did one hell of an amazing job. These things are not only huge, but have quite a few moving parts as well. In one scene, one of them pops out of the water attacking some men on a boat, with its little arms wiggling about, the pinchers on the mouth opening and closing, all the while trying to grab one of the sailors. Even when one guy is attacked underwater, we see his body sucked dry of liquid, turning him into an empty husk.
So again, we wouldn't consider
this a Turkey, but is a movie that any fan of these types of movies will just
love. And if you're a monster fan, then you will want to check this out to
see one of the best monster creations ever made. Not sure why this movie
isn't talked about more often since it is a perfect example of when these good
old fashion monster movies were being made. Highly recommended.
HORROR OF THE BLOOD MONSTERS (1970) - Now this
little piece of cinematic gold is just a sight to behold. Sure, it has a
rating of 2.2 on the IMDB, but what the hell do they know. But what I find
briliant about this movie is not the film itself, but what director Al Adamson did
to create this classic. He acquired the rights to a black and white movie
from the Philippines called TAGANI, which featured a bunch of vampire people
with huge fangs, as well as some lobstermen lurking around in the water.
Here where the genius that was Al Adamson comes into play. He knew that
the ticket buying audience that he was selling to the drive-ins wouldn't sit
still for a black and white film. So he came up with the idea that he
would shoot some new
footage around some of the scenes from TAGANI to make one complete story.
And for the black and white footage, he tint the prints different colors, like
red, blue, or orange, and then call the process "Spectrum - X". It was
even explained in the movie why the color tint would change! GENIUS!
So Adamson came up with a little introduction about vampires taking over the city, even making an appearance himself as one of the vampires. This is some how suppose to explain later the vampire people that we run into, even though it never is. But then right after that, we seem to be in the future with a space rocket about to be launched. The shot of the control panel is from some other movie that is it either a still frame or about a 2 second piece of footage that is played, then reversed, and then played back again, over and over. Brililant!
Aboard the ship is John Carradine, looking as old as ever. He sends most of the crew down to this foreign planet that they've come across while he stays on board. Any time he is on camera is a hoot. While the crew is out exploring the new planet in various colors, that is when they discover the inserted footage from TAGANI. Major kudos to Adamson for blending the stories together that I would bet that very few people back then knew they were being duped. We do have to give some major props to whoever came up with the lobstermen costumes, since they were pretty damn cool.
Again, is the movie good?
Hell no....we wouldn't be watching it on Turkey Day if it was. But the way
Adamson took some old footage, and some what wrote a movie around it, I think,
really showed how talented of a business man he was. He might not have
been able to make well made films, but he knew how to make films that he could
sell.
THE KILLING OF SATAN (1983) - Our next film is
another Filipino title, but one that is a little more current....well, from the
early '80s. This is definitely a great entry for the marathon. We
have some sort of mysticism going on with both black and white magic, that
really is some far out stuff. We have the Prince of Magic, who is the
right
hand man to Satan himself, who is terrorizing a local village. When the
local head good magician is almost defected by the Prince of Magic, a prayer is
spoken (apparently for a few days) to get the next in line for his job, even
though he doesn't realize it. Once Lando, our hero, arrives, the Prince
kidnaps his daughter to become the bride of Satan. While defeated at
first, Lando quickly learns about his new powers and what he must do to defeat
this evil. There are no punches pulled on these epic battles, from
shooting lasers out of their hands, to making oneself become bullet proof, it is
amazing what talents you might learn you have but never knew about. Only
in the Philipines.
Once he finds and defeats the Prince of Magic, then he has to do battle with the devil himself, which likes wearing a black outfit with a red cape and plastic horns. And of course, he does battle with his 3-pronged pitchfork. So from zombies, to snake creatures, to Big Lou himself, there are plenty of things in there to keep you laughing.
What is surprising about this movie is that there are quite a few really outlandish scenes here. We have the Prince making someone's head spin around, someone getting crushed by a giant rock, snakes turning into kung-fu fighters, and much more. There are even a few really good gore sequences in here that while really surprise you. But the acting is soooo over the top and just damn silly, especially how serious they are trying to take everything, it just makes the film even more entertaining. I'm sure the bad dubbing isn't helping with the acting either, but we wouldn't expect anything different, would we? While not filled with the gore and nudity the Filipino films of the '60s and '70s were, it is still worth the watch.
Plus...how freaking cool is that
box art? I know if I was looking for a movie to watch, it wouldn't take
long to decide I have to see this movie after seeing that incredible box art.
Damn...whatever happened to that kind of box art.
THE ASTRAL FIEND (1976)
- This film was picked up just a short time ago at Frys Electronics for only $4.
And even better, it was a double feature with THE BRAIN MACHINE staring James
Best. I'm sure that one will show up in a future Turkey Day marathon.
Plus, ASTRAL had an all star cast with Robert Foxworth, Stephanie Powers, Elke
Sommer, and Sue Lyon. How could it be bad, right? Well, the sight of
Powers' naked butt would have been a highlight, had it not be preceded by a shot
of Foxworth's naked behind!
The story is about an imprisoned strangler somehow manages to learn to develop his mental powers, making him become invisible and even move things just by thinking about them. He is the unwanted child of a famous star who didn't want to the world to know that she had a child, so she never acknowledged him. So he finally strangled her. But now, any women that reminds him of her, he has to kill her as well, therefore killing his mother over again and again.
While it seems this was a theatrical feature, this looks and feels just like a made-for-TV film. The special effects are about as dated as one would think for a movie made right before STAR WARS came out. Lots of super-imposed flashing lights. While not an over-the-top horror movie, with no gore whatsoever, the film is watchable if only for the main cast. Though, the guy playing Foxworth's partner, really seemed to love clicking that pen of his over and over and over and over again. So much so that you know it had to be annoying to Foxworth and the rest of the cast.
So not the greatest film in our marathon, if only because it wasn't as outrageous as the rest, it was worth the watch.
Another Turkey Day Marathon over with another 7 films devoured by our gang of cinematic gluttons for punishments. But stay tuned, because next year, we are going to do it all over again!
